Music In My Soul.

Sometimes... I really don't understand why I do the things I do. For example, music. I used to be completely obsessed with this ONE band, for almost 2 years. They were my absolute everything. The entire time though, I was really embaressed of being such a big fan. I mean, I met them, many times, and went to concerts, spent money, everything a real fan should do, but yet I still wasn't happy. I also had the worst depression the past two years. I half feel it was partly from that band. Stupid, yes. But the past few months I've learned to open my ears, and open my heart to an enormous amount of totally different music than I've ever listened to before. And I find I enjoy it more than I did before. I've always listened to music 24/7. But two years ago, it would be the same band that I listen to, to those 24 hours a day. Theses days my musical interests stretch all across the board. And I'm a hell of a lot less picky. I won't judge a band by their name, or by what they 'describe' their sound as. I'll listen to it myself and form my own opinion of it. I like the fact that I do that, because instead of basing what people think about them, I have my own ideas of how it is. I've also seen a drastic change in my concert attending history. In the last year alone I've been to well over 40 concerts, seeing more than 60 acts perform, and still there's more to come in the end of November and December, as well as I already plan on attending some in January and February. Another thing I don't understand why I do. I put up barriers. I second guess myself all the time. I'm always thinking "oh god, they're talking about me." when they totally aren't. It's pretty bad sometimes. I spent all of last year hiding myself. I spent most of my days in my room or hiding on the computer, not spending time with real people, but with "online" friends. When I could have been making real friends, I hid. It was a stupid move, that honestly these days I regret. Because of that I missed a hell of a lot of opportunities. I totally gave up because of 'The Move' that honestly, I look at it and I only live 30 minutes away from where I used to. I stopped trying in school. I stopped trying in making friends. I stopped trying in life. I was sort of on the sucidal side, and I didn't know how to get help. I had no one to go to. I had no friends to talk to that could completely understand me, except my "online" friends. Then this summer I made a few mistakes and pissed off a dozen or so of them, and I learned that I ultimately couldn't trust them either. This year, I'm stating right now I'm making the change. I'm changing my attitude before I get any worse. I'm opening up. I don't want to be known as the kid in the corner. I want people to see me, and see the LAURA JEAN I want to be. This year, I'm working on my own musical career. I'm going to be having concerts throughout the year and start recording a demo CD. I pray that even if we're not amazingly close friends, you'll give my music a chance. I've been a musician since 8th grade. But I've never really had the full confidence to do much than talent shows, and smaller shows here are there. This year, I'm stepping out of the box I've sheltered myself into. I'm breaking out. If you don't like me, that's totally fine. If you do, then that's great, please show your support in me. I hope people learn from my mistake and give anything and everything they come across the chance. They may just be a few steps short from a shooting star... <3

-Laura Jean